The Turning Point (A Cavernous Angioma Survivor Story)

You'd never know when your life is going to change

or what changes it.

For me, it was right around the end of last year, December 30th, when I was working while waiting for the year to pass. Around the evening, suddenly I felt my right hand go numb. Dizziness sprung. I couldn't type words I wanted to type simply because my eyes couldn't find the right keys. I stood up, trying to reach a cupboard nearby, but I lost my grip of a pen and papers that I hold that time. When I saw my arm fall down flabbily like that, that's it. I knew something was definitely wrong with my body.

My first thought was stroke. Before that, there happen to be a few times when I feel as if I had nerves disorder. I couldn't speak, couldn't type words correctly (like I didn't remember where the keyboards are, something which is absolutely impossible for a normal, phisically-healthy people who have typed for more than 10 years). Later that night, my father took me to a general practician, who would later tell me to go have a blood check. She also suspected a stroke, but stroke doesn't usually happen to young people.

The next day after, I did a blood check and also saw a neurologist in Eka Hospital. From the blood check, we found almost nothing unusual. Only why level of a subtance (forgot the name) was a little bit high, but the doctor said it was probably because I was nearly on period. Then the neurologist asked me to do an MRI, although he thought nothing was wrong. "Just to make sure," he said.

I did an MRI that afternoon. Was scared as hell. Who would've thought that MRI would be that scary, with those noisy sounds and loneliness inside the tube.

Then the radiology person stopped and asked me to call my Mom. I immediately knew something was wrong and started to break down. They found a mass inside my head.

So I undergo another MRI, this time with contrast injected.

The result would come out in 2 days, because it was actually December 31st. The new year's eve. I was crying and crying, felt like I was gonna die soon. I didn't know what was in my head and the suspense was killing me. I didn't feel like eating or do anything. I remembered my parents, how this must've made them sad, how my live would go on after this.. and so on, and so on..

On January 2nd, the result came out. We immediately seek a neurosurgeon in Siloam Hospital. The neurosurgeon read my MRI photos and after that did a physical examination. After that, he concluded that around 80-90%, I must be having Cavernoma. Good news was, Cavernoma is not dangerous. Bad news was, I must get a surgery, because if not I might be paralyzed and it would just get worse and worse. After we heard his opinion, my Dad immediately book a ticket to go to Melacca. We intended to ask a second opinion to a doctor there. We went to Mahkota Medical Center, then we met Dr. Parthiban Navoo, specialist neurosurgeon who would later performed my surgery (yes I decided to do it). He said I shouldn't risk going back to Jakarta and wait, because the cabin air pressure in the plane could be dangerous and because the bleeding had just stopped so it was the best time for them to do the surgery. 

That evening, I actually got another seizure. My hand got numb and I couldn't find an enter key on the cellphone. My dad and I finally made a decision to do the surgery and on January 5th, I was hospitalized, forbidden to eat anything after 12 midnight...

I just couldn't sleep. I was nervous, but not really scared because I would be under the anesthesia for the whole process.

On January 6th, around 9a.m., they took me to the surgery room. The nurse pushed me on the wheelchair (I was naked, only wore the hospital green robe!), then in the surgery room, they moved me to the table and I was placed in some kind of a waiting room for surgey patients. I remember having a conversation with one of the surgery staff, a small guy with glasses who has a cheerful smile, asking me some basic information like my name, where I was from, etc. He also explained to me what was gonna happen in the operation, and what I could expect after the operation. I would wake up in ICU, they would put cathether on me, etc etc. I was also really nervous so I started talking crap to him, asking how long have he worked here etc. Then the staff pushed my table, the cheerful guy put a mask on my face and asked me to breath deep. I did, and after the second inhale, I didn't remember anything anymore.

When I woke up, I was already in ICU. I remember my first question I asked to my Dad when I woke up was, "Operasinya udah selesai, ya?" (The surgery has finished, yea?).

Then, 12 hours after that was nightmare.

I was in the ICU alone. After certain hour, my dad had to leave. I felt so thirsty  as if I hadn't had water for months, but the nurse wouldn't let me drink too much for the first few hours after I woke up. Then I was afraid to move too much, although my back and my neck hurt so bad from my sitting position. Cathether didn't help, either. During the night I remember I woke up crying because I was so tired from my sitting position. It was around 1 or 2 a.m., when my nurse came to check my condition. She said I could move a little bit, just be careful because I still have somekind of a blood palette hanging from my head ( I know. Sounds scary, right?). 

Times moved really slow. I tried to sleep but the ICU was really cold. The needles and the other stuff that they put on me also prevented me from moving too much. I stressed out.

Once I can see the sunlight sneak in, I got excited. I wish Dr. Parthiban would come see me soon and allow me to move to the normal room. I waited for hours, my back was still hurt, but he didn't show up I started to cry again.

Finally, around 10 or 11 a.m., he came to see my condition. First I did CT scan again. The result came out good, so Dr. Parthiban ordered me to be moved to the normal room. Around 1.30pm, I was discharged from the ICU and moved to the the 8th floor of the hospital. 

At first, it was so difficult even to walk. I felt like flying and couldn't keep my balance, but with TV and my dad next to me, I feel much better already.

The next day after, I got a surprise. My friends, Ncim and Iche, came to visit me. I was so touched I cried. Didn't realize hoe stress I was to be so far away from friends and family. I also got a nice motivational video from my Wall Street English friends and students. And then, my mom also came with my uncle. I was so happy.

The lab result for my tumor also came out, which confirmed as "Cavernous Angioma".

My condition kept getting better everyday. Doctor ordered me to shower (you don't know how much I miss showering under clean running water!!), I could eat real food again, not just tasteless nasty food from the hospital (I always get nauseous after eating their food, so yuuckk..)... but things I missed most was my home. I really wanted to go home.

Finally, 6 days after that, I was discharged from the hospital. Dr. Parthiban told me to come back 3 months later for another MRI. We book the earliest flight to Jakarta, and then, I was finally home.

Thus started my journey towards recovering.

But overall, I really could't express my gratitute to my God, my Goddess that Inpray to, Kwan Im, to my family and friends who always support me.

I am just so happy to be healed. We will never know how precious it is until you suddenly suffer from a disease and think that you might die. So that's why, never take your health for granted. Stop smoking, stop eating junk food, etc. I'll post more about my disease later.

Have a great life, everyone!